'Extreme Mega Triple Shot Expressos' should come with a warning label on them. Or at least advertise the incredible advantages of drinking too many.
Yesterday everything that could have gone wrong, did. Or at least I think it did. You see, 'Extreme Mega Triple Shot Expressos' don't come by our camp very often and we were very fortunate to score a large number of them. Enough of them to not worry about rationing them out to last for a few weeks.
So I had a few yesterday. About five of them, it might have been seven. I'm really not sure.
All I really remember is that after dinner I had a real pleasant sense that everything in the world was alright. I felt really at peace.
But then the caffeine wore off and I crashed hard.
Almost instantly a darkness fell over my heart like the smoke of a crashed plane. Like the dread of realizing you are being followed by zombies. Like realizing that the burnt rib you are eating is mostly bone anyways and not worth working through the charcoal part for.
I then thought back on everything that went wrong during the day. I was shocked that I had made it through the day with all of the dissapointments, frustrations, stresses and evils. It all happened, It was like I wasn't really there.
Like I said, 'Extreme Mega Triple Shot Expressos' should at least tell you that drinking them non-stop will give you super human powers against a bad attitude.
But at least warn a guy to go to sleep before the last drinks effects wear off, sheesh. It's like cinderella's night except the fairy godmother doesn't tell her it's going to end and then video tapes her changing back to normal with all the people laughing at her and then posts it on YouTube.
Aaawwwee, Babe. Sorry you had such a sucky-ducky day. But I am glad you survived to tell your story. Just think, you may be helping some poor over-caffeined soul out there, before he crashes to a miserable low. Way to do your part! All my love to you.
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