End the war on toilets

People take toilets for granted. Granted, toilets are overated. They are glorified holes in the ground. But since they do exist, I say they are taken for granted. But why must they be tormented? They just sit there and take our crap (sorry, that came out wrong ((that came out wrong too)) ). The seats are somewhat obvious: they go up and down. They do not go side to side. The tanks are stationary. They do not move. The toilet paper dispensors are attached to the wall. They do not come off. Additionally they serve no purpose without toilet paper. The pipes attached to the toilet are also fixed. They do not need to be pulled, twisted, stood on or even touched. All of these little things about toilets, one would think, is obvious. Which leads me to believe that zombie octochickens are using the bathroom when we aren't looking. They are jumping on the pipes, kicking the tanks, hitting TP dispensors with bats and ripping the toilet seats or something, maybe they are just launching RPG's in the stalls. Whatever it is, whoever they are, they are not migratory. In the south the stall conditions somewhat mantain a human standard of operability.